Hi my people! I hope everyone had wonderful holiday season and is as excited about the new year as I am. This time of year, I am in a “dead season” with my athletics. As a student athlete, it becomes habitual to fall into a pattern of go, go, go. During my athletic seasons, it is rare that I have time to just sit and think, but during this time of year, I find more time to do so. Thinking about this past year, I am baffled by how the Lord has worked in my life, and I am so thankful for that.
Every time January 1st rolls around, the murmurs of change and resolution come with it. I used to be a HUGE fan of New Year’s resolutions — after all, what’s not to like about a day set aside to decide to better yourself in one way or another. However, these past few years, I have begun to move away from favoring New Year’s resolutions. Why wait until January 1st to change and try to better yourself? Make it an everyday occasion!
This whole idea of change goes hand-in-hand with the idea of grace. When we look for change in our lives, it is typically because something feels wrong and we are unhappy about certain aspects of life. Change requires God’s grace, which frees and changes us. Grace is defined by the love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it — not because of anything we have done to earn it.
I believe there is a difference in a change in heart and a tangible change. Changing not because we are trying to fit the image of a Christian or someone “God is proud of,” but instead, because God is working in us. Changing is commonly mistaken as a way to gain God’s approval but through His grace we are given love regardless.
Totally random and kinda disconnected from the rest of this entry, I promised to continue my journey so here’s the next little part.
Growing up as the youngest sure is like how the movies put it out to be. Tossed and teased was my childhood. My brother and I are seven years apart and my sister meets us in the middle, four years apart from me. Sibling fights at home never really turned into much, mostly because of age (plus you already know I played the pity game with our parents). I vaguely remember my brother’s high school days and the cops showing up a few late nights after following him home from parties he had been to. Then it was off to college for him and just the girls left.
The year in between him leaving and my sister, Madden, leaving for boarding school sure did test us. Anywhere from arguing with each other to arguing with our parents about each other; Madden and I did not have much of a relationship. She was focused on herself, and I thought I would do the same. Somewhat ironically, this is the first year I began going to Wyldlife. Through that, I was introduced to the offering of a new relationship. I went to camp that summer after hours of begging my non-religious parents, who for some reason let their 12-year-old daughter ride 12 hours on a bus to a “Jesus Camp.” But my goodness am I glad they did.
That week was truly uplifting and as meaningful as a pre-teen could make it out to be. With all the new overwhelming information, I wasn’t quite ready to put my love into the relationship Jesus put on the grounds of Northbay for me that week. Coming home from a Wyldlife/Younglife camp is one of the most bittersweet feelings in the world. Post-camp depression hit hard and reality hit even harder.
My sister and I pushed each other apart further and further throughout that year, and all new questions of doubt popped in my head about this supposedly-almighty Jesus guy I was told about just a few months earlier. Just another ‘why me.’ And now it was more of a ‘if He is real, why would He set this for me…’
~Ephesians 2:8-9 “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast”~